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Premiership footballers to take gender tests
Masculinity of well-known players questioned. Britain closed indefinitely due to snow
Light dusting shuts down whole country. Car crime statistics stolen from minister's car
Latest theft from Hazel Blears. Mugabe banned from playing cricket in UK
Tough action from Gordon Brown. Big Wheel (Allegedly) Keeps on Turnin'
It's (low-traffic, low-readership) Sunday again, which can only mean two things. Time for Sunday school and time for yet another demi-mediocre Sunday-style Perplexing Times article. You Can't Park Your Frog Here
Hey, listen, I like your frog-mobile, I really do, but rules are rules and even though I don't know what they are I'm pretty sure I can point and mutter this quietly: You can't park your frog here. Problem Found, Ya Got No Motor
Okay this is wierd. I'm no mechanic or anything but when I heard that this Subaru couldn't do more than about 10 mph I had to have a look under the hood. What I found was alarming, the darn thing had only bicycle pedals chained into the tranny and no motor. Navy's Trojan Horse Program Cancelled
As I've come to understand it the US Navy has been working for the past year in total secrecy to develop an aquatic trojan horse program to infiltrate foreign coasts with the greatest of sneakiness. Now, due to unforeseeable drawbacks and cutbacks it has sadly been abandoned. Conservatives Provide Open, Accountable Government for Minus 17 Minutes
Fatigued from 12 plus years of Liberal rule, Stephen Harper and his Conservative Party won power on January 23 by promising Canadians change.
Amazingly, the new Conservative Government managed to live up to their promise almost until they were sworn in. Prime Minister Harper provided Canadians with open, accountable government for a whopping 17 mi... continues The Angry Albertan
Well, Stephen, it didn't take long for you to forget the grass roots, did it? You weren't even sworn in before you sold out the people who brought you to the office of Primer Minister, in the first place. Harper Holds First Cabinet Meeting
An increasingly confident Stephen Harper held his first cabinet meeting this morning in Ottawa, even though his Conservative Party has yet to be elected as the nation's government. Voters Eager to Punish Liberals, Selves
Informal polling suggests that voters across Canada plan to punish the Liberal Party for the Quebec sponsorship scandal by voting them out of office in the January 23rd national election. But many want to go a step further and punish themselves, by voting Conservative. Kesiter Family Tired Of Being Butt Of Jokes
"Kesiter Family Tired Of Being Butt Of Jokes" The Top Ten Most Annoying Things Of 2004
"The Top Ten Most Annoying Things Of 2004" President Rushes Aid To Tsunami Survivors
"President Rushes Aid To Tsunami Survivors" Democrats Claim Ohio's Nonexistence
"Democrats Claim Ohio's Nonexistence" Geoffrey Hoon sacked and sacked again, just for fun.
Lest we forget the Minister of the Substandard
Listening to Geoff Hoon on the Today programme this morning, having been sacked from his advisory position in NATO and thrown out of the Labour Party for being caught seeking a 3000 GBP a day job with a lobbying form, he insisted he was "trying to demonstrate my knowledge and experience, background in
[CaRP] XML error: syntax error at line 1 Nagin Loses, Must Remain Mayor of New Orleans
NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana -- Mayor Ray Nagin, who hoped his shoot-from-the-hip style would get him booted from office, narrowly won re-election over Lt. Gov. Mitch Landrieu on Saturday, cementing him in place for at least another four years. "Cmon people, Ive served my time," Nagin said angrily, upon hearing the result, "Its Mitchs turn!" Accusations ... continues All-Aibo Team a Hit With Iditarod Fans
WILLOW, Alaska - For 34 years, dog teams and mushers have come together in Alaska to race to Nome, in commemoration of a 1925 dogsled relay to get needed serum nearly 700 miles across the frozen territory. This race has tested men, mettle, and mutts to their limits. But this year a new entrant is testing something else -- Energizer batteries. Will ... continues HR Block Sues Self Over Tax Snafu
CHICAGO, Illinois - Hamp;R Block Inc, having publicly admitted that its own state taxes were improperly reported, has announced that it is filing a malpractice suit against itself. "We used ourselves for our tax preparation because we wanted the very best," explained CEO Mark Ernst, "Needless to say, we were extremely disappointed in our performanc... continues Exposure Surpasses Cancer as Leading Killer Among Smokers
ROCHESTER, New York - Doctors are reporting dramatically increased numbers of cases of exposure, frostbite, and other weather-related health issues among the smoking population. "Patients tell me that they know its cold, they know they shouldnt be out in it, but they just have to have a puff," said Dr. Lyle Wallen, clearly exasperated, "Then they w... continues Fetus Gestates, Births
Something miraculous happened about 12 months ago to our adored Happy Embryo. At first, they seemed... The Elizabeth Chronicles
The latest venture for Mickey Jefferson and Quenchert Landai results in something worth missing... o... Rumormill in Frenzy over Biological iPod
The Apple Rumormill has been in a frenzy over leaked
details of a new addition to the iPod family... Apple Releases New Barenaked Ladies Special Edition iPod
Buoyed by stronger-than-appropriate response to its U2 special edition iPod, Apple has released a ne...
A groundbreaking study from the Pennington Biomedical Research Center in Baton Rouge, LA reveals that the more calories an individual consumes, the fatter he/she becomes. Facebook Offers Solution to Privacy Concerns
In an effort to fend off lawsuits, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg and other Facebook officials offered a practical plan to protect Facebook members privacy. John Boehner and Eric Cantor Abducted by Aliens
(Washington D.C.) Unconfirmed Sources are reporting that House GOP leaders Eric Cantor and John Boehner have been abducted by aliens and replaced by evil robots intent on destroying America. D.C. police have taken the two evil robots into custody and are at this moment trying to determine the whe... continues Barefoot Bandit Secretly Inks $5 Million Movie Deal
It seems crime does pay, at least for "Barefoot Bandit" Colton Harris-Moore, as the ex-fugitive has secretly signed a $12 million deal with 20th Century Fox to produce a movie about his famous exploits. Newcastle in turmoil
Just when we thought it could get no more bizarre at St James's Park, Newcastle United have appointed Joe Kinnear as temporary manager following Terry Venables' overnight decision to resist further sullying his managerial reputation. The 74-year-old Kinnear becomes the latest manager to jump on the... continues Coe rows into Olympic row
Sebastian "Lord" Coe has announced a four-year programme of cultural events leading up to the London Olympics in 2012. A William Shakespeare festival, 12 new public works of art and a water-based memorial to late rockers Chas 'n' Dave will form the centrepiece to the cultural line-up. However there ... continues Hailin' Palin's baby maybe
John McCain's running mate, Sarah Palin, has made a stinging attack on Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama at the Republican convention. Speaking in St Paul's, Minnesota, she criticised Mr Obama for dodging his parental responsibilities and said that she would ensure he made at least a fi... continues Brown's first day blues.
Gordon Brown's first day as PM has been disrupted by the state Tony Blair left No. 10 Downing Street in when he left. It is believed that the outgoing PM and wife, Cherie, threw a bit of a party for Downing Street staff and didn't do any clearing up. Consequently, Mr and Mrs Brown arrived from next ... continues Meltingclocktimes.com has a new web site. This RSS feed is obselete. The new ...
Meltingclocktimes.com Has An All New Web Site!
Meltingclocktimes.com Has A New Website! The all new MCT features an all new website with: Weekly updates, A million dollar offer to anyone who can prove our articles are not true; Ads with scantily clad attractive women, All the state of the art web site things such as: leaving your own stupid co... continues
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