Also, read the site description.
Pepsi, coke, ecstasy or ketamine?
As I get older, Pepto Bismol. I find that the stress of life is too unbearable without it. I really don't drink and I'm over the whole recreational drug fascination. My drink of choice is Clover Farms Icy Tea. It is a local dairy, the sugar content would turn the normal person into a diabetic coma and it is my life force. http://www.cloverfarms.com/tea.htm.
Webmasters often get an unholy quantum of spam. How much does your publicly posted email address receive?
Thousands a day. Apparently they all think I have a small penis or I can't get an erection. I probably am fine in both departments, but I'm so busy deleting spam, I have no time to find out.
Which single sitcom star (regardless of marital status) has been most influential over your comic stylings?
Uncle Jesse. I mean he was a friggin biker rock star that helped take care of 3 little girls. If he could do that, then I could be funny. Plus, I'm sure he touched the Olsen twins in a familiar way.
Who's the greatest public figure or corporation you've ever taken on and how did that work out for you?
I'm still battling things out with God. If I'm still alive next week, I'll let you know how it worked out. He certainly is a fucker.
Pro wrestling, mud wrestling, or Greco-Roman?
Here is my write in answer. Midget Blond Women In 240 Dollars Worth Of Pudding. Oh Yeah!.
Waterpick, floss, or short and curlies?
The elastic string hanging out of my tube socks.
What most should be decriminalized?
My Mom, she never meant to criminalize herself. It was all a big misunderstanding.
Will you tell me your darkest secret "off the record" so I can print it later with the defense that my quote marks meant I could print it?
I once open mouth kissed a horse.
If you become a beggar tomorrow, what will your panhandle(some) sign say?
I'll Jerk You Off For Beef Jerky. It's catchy.
You seem uncomfortable, what do you think that troubling pinkish rash is?
I think it's from my new tattoo of Rosemary Clooney naked.
What's the strangest topic you've ever written about?
The Slinky inventor dying by racing a Slinky down the stairs.
Boxers or briefs?
Well, when I was younger and my mommy bought my underwere, she always got me tighty whities. I always feel constricted and uncomfortable, but hey... free underwear. Eventually as I got older I drempt of being a boxers guy but needed a kick in the ass to buy them. I found out that chicks actually prefer boxer and they compliment my manly frame. Since then... cotton boxers.
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