We've got Brendan Alexander here with us from Perplexing Times. He's the editor, the webmaster and the head writer. Brendan, thanks for giving us a few minutes of your time.
I don't mind, I'm always excited to meet with the press.

What led you to start writing, especially at such a young age?
My dad is a writer so it's kind of in the blood. Even my little brother is a writer and he'll never be as old as me. Honestly it all happened so long ago that I can't tell you what I was thinking or how I was typing it, but I know it all happened and that I really do run my site myself.

You're so young and write so much, does anyone help you out?
You know, I get that question a lot and I always say the same thing. I've got proofreaders, transcribers, copy-editors and my mom is kind of a maid. Really though, between you and me, and don't tell anyone I said this, I'm the only one around the operation actually doing anything. If it wasn't for me it would be endless meetings and countless boxes of doughnuts lost at the water cooler.

Who's your greatest journalistic influence?
I don't really know of that many journalists but it's an easy question. Kermit has been a reporter for like thirty-years and he's always done a good job. His style of reporting is similar to mine and we are both accused of mis-reporting sometimes so I think we've got a connection. He gets a lot of flack and I have empathy for him, I believe him when he says it ain't easy being green.

At your age reporting must take a lot of your day, do you ever get in trouble for reporting when you should be asleep?
Oh no, I do some of my best work when I'm asleep. Believe me, when the train to Z-town whistle blows, I'm not one to pass it up. Tickets on the early train are free but the later trips are standing room only and bear a price of sadness and emotional irrationality. So no, sleep first, the news second. I've even reported in my sleep about being asleep and oversleeping my deadline. Whatever people, it's news to me.

Have you ever suffered a serious illness that affected your writing?
I've had my fair share of run-ins with sickness and hospitals and it's always affected my writing. When that deranged so-called doctor gave me hypodermic shots in the butt, that ratcheted up my cynicism a notch or two. When I suffered a several-day long sneezy-cold, that jaded me to the disease spreadery of sneezing brothers. Overall sickness has made me stronger and more bitter, like a lemon with a really thick peel. Maybe a pomello, never made it through the outside so not sure what they taste like.

What do you feel should be the strongest issue addressed in the next campaign?
Mother's milk as a form of cannibalism. I mean it's so odd to me that vegans propose to never eat anything that represents the suffering of animals and yet they still breast feed. Like telling your children you can't eat yogurt, but oh here, have a tall frosty glass of mom. What's that all about, it makes no sense to me.

Which of Hemingway's works would you say best sums up who you are?
Well I didn't see very many of them but I'd probably say the third one. It had the most explosions and the biggest budget even though it didn't do as well at the box office. That's kind of like me, I've got all kinds of bang and I'm exceptionally well cast, but I really don't see a nickel from my work since it's all being siphoned off to my college fund. Did I answer that one right?

What advice do you have for those seeking to run you out of business?
Who's trying to run me out of business? Is that true? I guess I'd say to not do it. That would be my advice. I'd rather not be run out of business, I'm much too young to be a failure at this sort of thing.

Does this interview seem like it's going on for days?
Yes, I'd say about four days. This is actually my first real interview, even if it is allegedly by proxy. No matter, whomever is answering these questions, whether myself or someone else on my behalf, yes, it does feel like about four days.

Boxers or briefs?
I don't know what those are.

They are types of underwear.
I don't know what brand I wear, I think they're Huggies. It's not usually the sort of thing I talk about and I'm not sure I should answer anymore questions.

Thank you for your time and please don't report me, these questions are pre-written for me. I never thought I'd be asking someone so young.

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