Also, read the site description.

What's been the greatest secret to your success in publishing, and with that in mind, why are you still such an otherwise complete failure?
"Alienation's For the Rich."

What's the greatest invention of WWII?
The Foreman Grill. It knocked the "fat" out of "facist."

Black Knight or King Arthur?
"Black Knight," starring Martin Lawrence, it's Citizen Kane with attitude.

As the song asks, "Why Can't We be Friends?"
Because I'm an aging, gritty, seen-it-all detective, and you're a precocious child and/or dog. Partnerships of that kind never amount to anything.

Sunglasses, hat with brim, or squinting terribly?
Squinting terribly is the first step towards the leathery face of your dreams.

How did the A-Team and Dukes of Hazzard impact your writing?
In 1972, we were sent to prison by a military court for a crime we didn't commit. We promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, we survive as sports satirists. As far as Dukes of Hazzard is concerned, we've learned not to strike, or else they'll replace us with people who look like us and are supposed to be our cousins, but they'll end up having a fraction of the appeal.

Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?
Sitting right next to Craig T. Nelson courtside at a Clippers game.

What's your favorite piece of spam email?
Anything that comes with names like "Clobber U. Backstrokes" in the "from" field.

What vice would you suggest to the virtuous (aside from the deflowering of their virtuosity on your inoculate tetherball pole)?
Hey, speaking of tetherball, is there one playground game that could cause more childhood trauma than tetherball? People make a big deal about dodgeball, but tetherball offers everything dodgeball can PLUS the chance to be strangled.

What's the drabbest city you've ever had the misfortune to visit?
St. Louis. When a town prides itself on a giant croquet wicket in its front yard, you have problems. Pound-for-pound, Fargo is more of a blast, and that's a fact.

Boxers of breifs?
Saran Wrap -- it's the underwear that comes in a roll.

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